Dear "Competitors":
We feel your pain.
HNGHH!!
We feel what it was that drove you to that disgrace of a misinformation campaign following the incredible success of Could it be… it…, uncovered by us, resulting in fines, for you. There were firings. There was a prison term, here and there, despite your appeals to the anti-alien parts of government.
For the crime was too much! The people too offended, as they were, back in the day, in the time of BLACK&WHITE&, when the "competition" of the time responded to tech love with suggestions of perversion, but the people knew the truth. No lawsuits from us then. And no lawsuits from us then… it… For we feel your pain. Hngh. The current-genness of it all. Inevitable demise.
Could it be… it…
…remarkable alien powers which are the birthright of as many as ten percent of us, according to our latest calculations.
Ten percent? Nay! One hundred, we now believe, as we move deeper through the Orb. There's no need to shout it, now. Everyone knows. Could it be… how it feels, to use Shniff tech. How one connects. That even if the test doesn't show a Level 5, that the powers are still there, just hidden by the mind, awakening design. But the aliens see us all.
And they will show us, when they come, the glowing map which leads us home to Para'meesh IV… yum…
[ REPLICATE ME, BABY ]
Yes, even you, who spread those lies about the caves. You, with your tanking stocks, unclean socks, your mountains of unsold tech. Your Heavenly (not) OS. You, whose agents claimed we were creating an army of worker clones/slaves, living in damp, underground caves, their systems reconfigured to subsist on an inexpensive green gel. And rising for their shifts, to be returned to their basement dwellings for a few hours of dribbling TV. A little table tennis, perhaps. An injection of gel, certainly, with the occasional liquified carrot treat.
Delish…
To be followed by the stasis which passes for sleep. And then to repeat… it… eventually to be, for those who hadn't devolved into unfortunate puddles, inserted into the world, to eradicate and replace the source, the originals to be disposed of through a squirt of aforesaid puddle, that they'd utterly deconstruct, and were leaving not a trace, all part of preparing for an imminent alien invasion when the yet unslaved will have their brains slurped away. And what the hell! Let's slurp the clones/slaves as well.
Our interdimensional toilet will thank us…
With Love,
Team Shniff
PS And no, we don't use ForgetTech to make everyone forget about that disturbing two-day transition as the identity is fully assumed, hyper-specifics are ingrained, the clone/slave saying and doing some pretty strange shit, making it pretty damn obvious they were birthed in the caves. Mass deployment of FT (as employed in, eg, the 99.nine-seven-9-three-43%-approved removal of GRUEL) results in highly elevated levels of forgetatrons in the group mind. Independent analysis has shown minimal forgetatron activity during the… er…