Shell / GeminOS / ORB

Oh riiight… that's brilliant! HNGHH!!

— Soran Shniff

1. Introduction

ORB is a multidimensional language comprising code, regular lingo and other interesting objects. It is the language that we'll speak when the aliens come, and it can be spoken now, as well as introduced to your programs and other interesting projects. ORB is developed by Shniff Inc, with the considerable assistance of the alien Orb.

Basic (tetrahedral) familiarity with ORB will eventually be given to us all as a gift from the Shniff satellite / lamp post network, reconfiguring our brains, just a touch, for the coming invasion – that is… Mission of Love – making us much more slurpable – or should we say, receptive to the aliens' loving touch.

It is likely this basic ORB will become a standard requirement of many forms of interaction, employment and joy in the coming months and years, and so: we encourage you not to check the "I do not wish to one day commune with our alien gods, healing all my wounds and delivering me to eternal bliss" box in GeminOS settings. But it is there, as required by law.

For those ahead of the curve who wish to travel to the stars, we are currently offering alternative introductions to ORB as we get the network's buttered_toast emitters up to speed. Visit your local Planet Shniff to have some tetrahedral-grade ORB juice injected into your reservoir, or grab a juicetube to do it at home in the comfort of your own booth. (Note: This is a very potent juice. Please ensure the application arm is well lubed. Spillage is… not advised.) Tetrahedral instruction is also available in the Shniff app using an intuitive drag-and-drop interface based on the latest lovemaking protocols.

Ambitious explorers who wish to advance to the higher familiarities should pick up a copy of the Manual of ORB. Or take it to the next level with an alienotics degree, where ORB features heavily. Roderick College and Tetrahedron University have excellent programmes. Use code SLURPME for a 6.9420% discount.


2. Text


3. Code


4. Objects


5. AI immunity

While Shniff fully embraces the power of AI, as evidenced by our own GEMINUS intelligence, it is critical to understand that ORB, unlike pretty much everything else these days, is immune to artificial involvement, at least for anything beyond the most basic linguistic structures. This is a conscious design choice on the part of the aliens, whose Orb inspires much of ORB's development and provides great insight into their thinking, given the constraints of our low-dimensional minds.

"But why no AI, aliens?" you might ask. "I'm studying for a degree in alienotics at Tetrahedron U using the SLURPME discount (thanks, GeminOS!) and could do with a little guidance with my first assignment for ORB 101, aka take care of it, GEMINUS, if you'd be so kind, I've heard that alienotics = guaranteed riches in this alien-friendly economy, I just kinda suck at writing ORB :("

And you would continue to suck, and you would suck when the aliens arrive and hand you a menu of Greetings, Native! How Is Your Brain Faring? Let Us See If You Are Ready for Hyperdimensional Flight :) pleasures written in ORB, including buttered toast, your favourite. Except it's_not. Not in ORB. An exquisite bit of code, if with a dark and fishy past. And not to be eaten, certainly.