Some say the whole point of the Abseenus Information Centre isn't touring historical displays; isn't smiling at the children experiencing the interdimensional bouncer plate for the first time; isn't the gift shop, with the ever-popular Abseenus = Huh? T-shirt; but is the depth of the brew in the Abseenus Café, black as Abseenus, white-as-Abseenus whipped cream = lick.
Note: This is a PPE quest designed by our officially insanity-free CNO Josef Salient (certificate available upon request) during a brief stay at a recalibration spa in the early First Rising. At the time, Josef was coming to terms with POP's explosive success, and was, for some reason, self-medicating with shots of liquified ham sandwich, which leaked into the quest, rendering it potentially offensive to our large and growing vegan community. While we recommend the modern, kale-based version of the quest for the best experience, the original is included here as an honest account of our historical record. Because we love you. (And Legal said so.)
"12-VOGEN! 13-VOGEN! 14-VOGEN! AIEEEEEE!!!"
"Shh, it's okay. It's just a dream. Reach over to the bedside table and retrieve the shot glass of liquified ham sandwich we always have on hand. There you go… down it goes. I am assisting in the calming process for this second dream of the night, fifth dream of the week. They're always the same, so you say. You never say. Hear me say: There's plenty of ham in the fridge, salted butter. Ready to go: a fresh loaf."
Blender : [ GO ]
The stink of ham… Why ham? Why a sandwich? Who knows. Will we venture, today, to the garden of this so-called spa? Slop. Delightful.
And up we go, through the game. Through displays. Posters. Stuffed creatures. Figures. Guest room converted into a Pyramidal meditation/sex chamber with faux exploding brain, "spiritual" toys, powder dispenser, and an abundance of blow-up friends.
And replica this, replica that. Hey, I love the game. But I could do with a break! Our bedroom is the same, where he sleeps now. To dream? More screams?
A product of the Vogens, clearly, whatever they are. In the game. IRL. Part of the training at Planet Shniff. In the tech. In our heads. And the aliens are bringing 10.
The aliens coming? Ha…
People still believe it. Believe it even more! Gotta hand it to the geniuses in Marketing. How the customers enter the store. Wide of eye. Parted lips. Reaching hands. How they touch us…
Don't like it? Plenty of jobs at Kale Shack.
NOW FUCKING MOVE IT!
Great pay, however. Yay! Certainly helps when your fiancé spends most of the day playing POP. Sorry, "doing research" for the job which never comes. The job of his dreams! On his screen (he was asleep, as usual, passed out from his afternoon shots, with additional spice):
From: Josef Salient
Re: POP Quest Designer
Look, kid. You've got talent. You've got spice. You've got… ham? But you can't be messing with Dreams! Granted, it doesn't exist yet. And yet… somehow, it does? Since everything's always being created. Everything's always—
More "research" on the weekends, though actually it's pretty legit. And just an hour or two, at the AIC. In the game. IRL. They built one right by us.